Shadow Ataraxia
by Writer of Darkness and Light
Summary: Before she reached him, she saw a sight she would never, in her whole life and afterlife, forget. Even in reincarnation, the sight would haunt her through dreams that punched a hole through realism. The sight of her beloved son, lying by the riverbed, his lifeblood being carried to the canal by the rain. Slipping, slipping, slipping…


_**SPOILERS FOR THOSE WHO HAVE NOT READ THE THOUSAND YEAR BLOOD WAR**_

Chapter One

Petrichor

_Disclaimer: I don't own Bleach… or the Dreamtime Fairies. _

Ryuken Ishida was, for the first time in a long while, very, very, frustrated. He was naturally cool-headed, and he held logic closer than his own son. He would usually never get so agitated, usually only reckless, senseless, Shinigami and his status as a Quincy could irritate him. This though, was an exception.

He'd treated countless patients in his life, many in fatal condition, some not. He'd performed surgeries on the heart, kidneys, lungs, brain, and so many different things. He'd treated simple flus, deadly infections, cancers, broken bones, and every once and a while, corns. In his career, people had died. Young and old, male and female, in comas and in surgery. Sometimes he even caught the last words of said people. This death should be sad, it should be a blow to his heart and his pride. But this death was too different. His friend's and cousin's son was playing in a whole other field.

The boy was not merely dying. He was slowly slipping away, his own body collapsing in on itself… this death was too painful, too personal. He couldn't watch this boy, this boy with Masaki's smile and eyes, slowly fall to oblivion. He knew the boy would be in the Soul Society soon enough, but would likely not remember his loving family, and not remember his love for them.

But, he would not remember the pain of a slow death either.

_Slipping, slipping, slipping…_

He didn't know very much about the boy, he knew he had younger twin sisters, he was roughly the age of his own son, and that Masaki and Isshin loved him deeply. He also knew the most obvious fact, that the young boy had preposterous bright orange hair.

He was well aware of how the boy managed to reach such a mangled state. Masaki and her son had been attacked by a Hollow, Grand Fisher. The Hollow had managed to beat the nine-year-old to a near corpse before Masaki was able to kill it. The truth was, Grand Fisher should have an easy kill for Masaki, being a powerful Echt Quincy should've guaranteed the Hollow's defeat. But it didn't. They still didn't know why she couldn't protect her son and got so beat up, since she was still in a stable, yet unconscious, condition.

The boy was in a horrid condition. He had many bone fractures, part of his rib cage was utterly crushed, and he had a ruptured right kidney. Because of these injuries, his body was internally bleeding, which was even worse considering he already suffered severe blood loss. Most of the blood loss was caused by the deep gashes in his side, looking eerily like they were caused by sharp claws. Damn Hollow. The worst of these injuries though, was the liver. The Hollow's claws had to be long, at least four-inches in length. Meaning, when he tore into the boy's stomach, it cut deeply into his liver and practically destroyed nearly 75% of the right hepatic lobe. The liver is a vital organ, meaning he can't live without it. It's truly a miracle he's still alive. No, not a miracle. A miracle doesn't make you stay alive, so you can slowly, painfully, slip away without any means to survive, or any means to end quickly.

He tried. If there is a God, he knows Ryuken tried. He attempted to stop the internal bleeding. He removed the damaged part of the liver and his whole right kidney. He tried and tried and tried…

_"'Tis a lesson you should heed, if at first you don't succeed, Try, try again." _

And he did. He tried to stop the blood, cleaned he stitched up his gashes, he did everything. But everything isn't always enough.

Isshin Kurosaki was in a worst state than the Quincy. He was franticly and fearfully pacing outside his son's operation room, his forgotten doctor's coat hiding his shaking hands. Ryuken could dimly understand, having worried for someone close to him turning into a Hollow in the past. The former Shiba stopped dead once he caught sight of Ishida, solemnly watching him from the, now closed, operation room door. Isshin stared for a few moments, taking in his grave expression and darkened eyes.

"My son…?" Isshin's voice was unnaturally calm and monotone, most likely a result of trying to keep his feelings in check.

Ryuken couldn't lie to him "He's in a fatal condition. His chances of surviving are slim at best."

Isshin's face crumpled. His usually happy-go-lucky smirk was gone… no, _dead _would be a better word for it. Kurosaki hung his head, staring quietly at his shoes. Ryuken ran a callused hand through his tame light blue locks, an unusual gesture from him.

"He has suffered a massive amount of blood loss from his wounds on his right side, said wounds have caused injury to one of his kidneys and liver. The kidney wouldn't be much of a problem, considering he only needs one, but the liver is vital, and gravely damaged. The left part of his rib cage and many separate bones in his body were shattered, and he is internally bleeding," Ryuken reported grimly "I have removed his right kidney and the damaged part of his liver, but his rib cage has caved in, and the internal bleeding isn't stopping. I'm sorry."

Isshin didn't say anything. Rain pounded against the hospital building. He didn't look up from the ground, and Ryuken watched as hopeless tears hit the tile floor of hospital.

-SA-

Nanami Hasegawa was worried. Usually, the retired school teacher wouldn't get anxious, being used to dangerous situations, having once lived in a horrid neighborhood with gangs and a fair amount of illegal drug dealers. Once she moved to Karakura, she became an elementary school teacher, and had to deal with stressful circumstances with the children, once she even was assaulted by an abusive parent. Her late husband worked with the military, so she grew nervous for him almost daily. Because of these events in her life, she had a strong defense against worry. But this, this had her worried.

She had been preparing her bedtime tea when a loud, obnoxious knocking came from the door. Understandably, she was annoyed. It was nine-o-clock at night for heaven's sake. She stormed to the door and threw it open angrily, to be shocked when the sight of a desperate Isshin greeted her.

The elderly woman had always liked the Kurosakis. Even though the noisy, blithe father sometimes grated her steeled nerves, sweet Masaki was always there to even him out. Sometimes, their little, orange-haired son would come over and tell her about his day, often not telling his parents and causing them to go into a frenzy. She adored him and his delightful little twin sisters, Karin and Yuzu.

All Isshin told her was that there was an emergency and he would be grateful if she would watch over the twins. She accepted, but was curious and concerned, why couldn't Masaki take care of the twins? Where was their son? The twins, only five years old, didn't have a clue, but did tell her their daddy was very upset, and they didn't know where Okaasan or Onii-chan were. That didn't sound good.

Karin and Yuzu Kurosaki were adorable girls. Karin took after her father, with her dark hair and slanted eyes, and Yuzu like her mother, with light hair and calming presence. Karin was a loud child, who stomped around like an elephant and needed attention from others often. She, like her sister, was hurt easily, and needed a comforting hand when such happened. Yuzu was calmer than her sister, and sweet as cake. She would help her more rowdy sister when she was hurt and in tears, and seemed to have a perpetual smile on her face. Yuzu _could not _stay in one place though, exactly like her sister. So, the girls _could not _just sit in front of the television like she asked them too. No chance.

She honestly wasn't surprised that when she exited the bathroom, she found the _sweet and adorable _twins rummaging through her cupboards and throwing cans, bowls, cups, silverware, boxes of cereal, and packs of ramen all over her once pristine kitchen.

For some reason, Nanami thought she would get a reasonable answer from the five-year-olds.

"What are you _doing_?" She weakly questioned, staring at the girls in mild astonishment.

Karin answered first. "Building a fort."

Silence.

"Otousan said we could build a fort with Onii-chan today, so we're starting it," Yuzu stated, beginning to stack some cans. She suddenly looked embarrassed. "Sorry we didn't invite you, you were gone."

Nanami watched silently as the Kurosaki twins started to make an unstable wall of her food, tableware, and dining chairs. She couldn't help but wonder if they'd act like this when they were older, still making forts of others' belongings inside their own home. After ten minutes of watching the semi-fortress collapse over and over, she reluctantly helped them, thanking her experience as a kindergarten teacher for her patience and endurance. After a half-an-hour of performing a balancing act with her bowls and cans of fruit, breaking a few cups, bending a ridiculous amount of forks and spoons, calming the crying girls when a tower fell yet again, and almost breaking a dining chair _twice, _the twins were satisfied with their creation.

It was a grand structure, with chair doorways; meat, soup, and fruit can pillars; walls of bowls, cups, duct tape, tea packages, and pillows; an unstable roof of blankets and the cause of many of Nanami's blooming bruises, and the corner by the sink hosted a pile of broken glass and plastic. On the tile ground were Hasegawa's couch pillows, a few already sporting hot chocolate stains from the girls' unsteady hands. The fort took up Nanami's entire small kitchen, from the refrigerator to the stove. Nanami knew that she and the twins couldn't touch the wobbly walls without making the entire fort flop onto the ground, and she was well aware of how unappealing it looked and how much of her tableware and unlucky boxes it broke… but she couldn't help but love their creation.

"It's pretty!" Yuzu proclaimed, pointing dramatically at the fortress.

"Yep," Karin agreed, nodding her approval. "but… I hope everybody can come to see it…"

Yuzu's smile melded into a tiny frown. "They'll need to see it… right Nana-chan?"

Nanami gave the girls an uncertain grin. "Of course, now it's sleepy time for little girls," she declared, scooping the tiny twins up.

"I'm not little!" Karen protested heatedly, squirming.

"Little compared to me," The old woman's grin grew cheeky.

Yuzu struggled along with her sister, complaining about 'not being sleepy' and Karen about 'being crushed'. Nanami didn't loosen her grip.

When she arrived in the guest room, she let go of the objecting twins, who immediately bolted for the door. No luck.

With a lot of convincing and bribing, both girls settled onto the pink, flowery guest bed. Karin crossed her arms unhappily and Yuzu looked up at Nanami with big, chocolate brown, puppy-dog eyes.

"Read us a story Nana-chan?" She asked desperately.

Nanami, steeled to a normal child's 'puppy-dog eyes', caved in.

"Read us a monster story!" Karen demanded, bouncing a bit.

"No monster stories," The retired teacher refused, shaking her head.

"Otousan reads us monster stories!" Karen said scowling, an unnatural look on her face. Nanami silently wondered what exactly Isshin had read to them.

"No."

"Can you read us a story about fairies?" Yuzu requested softly, snuggling deeper into the covers. Nanami knew just the book. After a few minutes, she returned with her story and sat on the bed, near Yuzu. They both looked at her expectantly, eyes wide and mouths closed.

Nanami held up the book. It was a thin dark blue one, with drawings of fairies and… a winged dog. In large yellow writing it said : '_The Dreamtime Fairies_'

"Sounds weird," Karen assessed, just as Yuzu said: "It's so cute!"

"Hush," Nanami commanded gently, opening the book.

"_Lucy loved to tell stories. She told deep-blue-sea stories to Mom, flying-up-high-in-the-sky stories to Dad, and magic stories to her brother, Jamie._"

Nanami could understand them being bored by the story. She could see them being excited, or sleepy. The last thing she thought the girls would do was cry. Big blubbery tears and very loud, very miserable sobs. The elderly woman was shocked. Karen cried into the covers, while Yuzu cried into her sister's shirt. It took her a few moments to understand why.

They miss their family.

"It's okay," Nanami comforted the twins tenderly, one hand stroking Karen's back, the other on Yuzu's head. "You'll see them tomorrow, this is only for tonight. They'll come get you two and see that wonderful fortress you two made."

"You promise?" Karen sobbed, looking up at her with teary eyes. "Okaasan, Otousan, and Onii-chan?"

"I promise," The retired teacher reassured, smiling warmly. The girls quieted and let her continue the story.

"_But best of all were the bedtime stories she told Bear. Lucy loved bedtime. She'd hug Bear and whisper stories until they fell asleep. But poor Jamie hated bedtime. He'd toss and turn with Floppy Rabbit and see things in the shadows on the ceiling._"

Both girls curiously looked up at the ceiling of the guest room, and squinted as they tried to see what Jamie saw.

"I don't see anything," Karen whispered to her sister, like it was something Nanami shouldn't hear.

"_One night when Jamie was wide awake again, Lucy told him, "Bear can't sleep either. We need to find the Dreamtime Fairies. They'll help us." So Lucy, Bear, Jamie, and Floppy Rabbit flew far away across the ocean to the land where fairies live."_

"Nana-chan, where do fairies live?" Yuzu inquired, shuffling in the bed.

"I don't know Yuzu-chan, probably far away like the story says. Or maybe they're close… I guess you'll have to find them."

Both girls perked up at the idea, Yuzu imagining the land of the Dreamtime Fairies and Karen thinking up ways to catch them.

"Enough interruptions now, let's see what happens to Lucy and Jamie."

"_They landed on a rock. "Turtle!" said Jamie. "We can't sleep," said Lucy, "so we're looking for the fairies." "The Dreamtime Fairies?" said turtle. "They're very shy. You'll have to look very hard to find them. Turtles sleep in the sun- why don't you?" "We could try," Lucy said, and they all lay in the sun. Turtle fell asleep, and Bear and Floppy Rabbit fell asleep, but… "Too hot!" said Jamie. "Come on," said Lucy, "let's find the fairies." "_

The girls were soon fully engrossed in the book, carefully examining every picture wide-eyed and slowly sinking further into the bed. Soon, Lucy and Jamie had more animals following them, and helping them find the Dreamtime Fairies.

"_So Lucy, Jamie, Bear, Floppy Rabbit, Turtle, Tiger, and Foxy followed the path as it twisted and turned. Down into the forest, down into the darkness, deep down to where the shadows grow."_

"Shadows grow?" Karen asked sleepily. She was shushed.

"_Jamie thought he saw something in the shadows… "Fairies," whispered Jamie."_

"The fairies!" Yuzu exclaimed. She was shushed.

"_First there was one shimmer, then another, and another… until soon the fairies were all around, swooping and dancing and laughing. Everyone danced and played as the fairies fluttered and twinkled."_

Karen and Yuzu smiled drowsily, rubbing their eyes and enjoying the story, previous sorrow forgotten. Nanami grinned at the two as the leaned into each other and struggled to stay awake.

"_"There's no need to be afraid of the shadows, Jamie," said Lucy, "because that's where the Dreamtime Fairies fly."_"

Another groggy smile from the girls, barely awake now.

"_And then they fell onto a pile of soft leaves covered in fairy shadows. The fairies fluttered and twinkled and worked their Dreamtime magic. And one by one, first Jamie, then Floppy Rabbit, then Turtle, Tiger, and Foxy, then Bear, and then finally Lucy… gently drifted into the magic of sweet dreams._"

The two fell asleep, with Yuzu's head resting on Karen's shoulder, both wrapped in soft, pink and yellow blankets that felt to them like the soft leaves covered in fairy shadows. Neither knew what was happening that night. Neither knew everything would change, starting tonight. That the shadows that would haunt them and hurt them didn't always hide Dreamtime Fairies. They didn't know that though, so their dreams were sweet and filled to the brim with fairies, magic, tableware fortresses, their family and Nana-chan, and _not _the rain that pounded outside.

Nanami sighed a bit when the Kurosaki twins fell into slumber, and closed _Dreamtime Fairies. _She stood and walked out the guest room, taking one more moment to watch the tiny girls dream peacefully, before closing the door and letting her happy mask fall.

'Isshin…' she put a clammy hand on her forehead, worn out and still anxious. She'd made sure to check the house phone often, to be sure she hadn't missed a call that could've had to do with Isshin's desperation and obvious fear. She prayed Masaki and their little carrot-top were okay, selfishly hoping Isshin was worried for some other patient. Nanami looked up, and met herself.

Across the hall, she saw herself in the mirror. Greenish rings around her eyes, making her violet eyes stand out, worry lines scarring her forehead, her silver-brown hair hanging of her head more like yarn than locks. She stared. A life-time of stressful work gave her a perpetual agitated look, her once porcelain smooth face deeply wrinkled. she frowned, then fled to the kitchen.

Her sigh was almost physical it was so heavy. She didn't know _what _she was going to do about the kitchen. She checked the phone. No calls.

'Whatever is happening,' she thought 'I hope everyone is okay…'

-SA-

Isshin didn't know what to do. He knew that if his son died, he would go to the Soul Society, so things could be worse, considering there was a chance he could see him again, which was more of a relief than most humans get. But even if he knew he would see his son again, _his son would die._

In Rukongai, he wouldn't be able to grow up with his family, never see his little sisters grow beside him or see his parents go old. He may never eat or drink, and have to fight to survive every day. He wouldn't get an education or get a proper job. His son couldn't raise a family, and have grandchildren. He wouldn't be able to go to festivals or go shopping. He couldn't cry at funerals or celebrate a birth. He likely wouldn't remember the living world or Masaki, Karen, Yuzu, Nanami, Tatsuki, or himself. His son wouldn't be able to _live._

The nine-year-old already looked dead. He looked like grass-tinted snow, pale and greenish. Of course, he was unmoving, like a corpse. According to the electrocardiogram, his heart was still beating, but Isshin couldn't see his son's chest moving _at all. _His bright orange hair was matted against his forehead from sweat, and the color seemed to have dimmed to that of a fading sunset… slowing dipping below the horizon, as the sky turned pitch black.

He could feel Ryuken's presence. Not from reiatsu, but something else entirely. Isshin continued to kneel by his son's bedside, not looking back to see his reluctant friend.

"Is there anything else we can do?" Isshin asked steadily, gripping his son's limp hand, "Urahara?"

Ryuken didn't say anything for a long moment. "Urahara didn't have anything for us. He says your son is too far gone. Though I wish I could do more to help, I can't help but agree. He's not going to make it Isshin."

…

"Damn it," Isshin tried not to let his slipping calmness go, but he could feel the shaking returning and horrid, horrid, dread.

_Slipping, slipping, slipping…_

He couldn't handle seeing this. His and Masaki's son, slowly slipping and fading under the horizon. No… not his son. _'Take him instead_,' Isshin thought, his eyes never leaving his son's corpse-like face. _'Please, not him_.'

Isshin couldn't choose though. He was no god. Without a moment's hesitation he would switch their places, but he couldn't. He doubted even the Soul King could do such a thing. His son was beyond even Unohana's help. It was written in fate. His son was going to die. Slowly…

_Slipping, slipping, slipping…_

-SA-

Kisuke Urahara was troubled, something rare for the apathetic scientist. He still remembered the day he told Isshin Shiba he needed to stay with Masaki Kurosaki, or she would turn into a hollow. He remembered being heavily shocked when Isshin interrupted his explanation with a simple, 'Got it. Let's do this.'

He also remembered seeing their first-born son for the first time, a tiny baby with bright orange hair that neither of his parents had and the second he could, a large smile like his mother's. He also noted the reiatsu signature of the boy, not very strong or potent, but already stronger than most humans, and enough to attract hollows. Also enough to scream 'POTENTIAL!' at him. With proper training, the kid could grow to be of a seated officer's power… or much higher, considering his ancestry.

But now… the boy's reiatsu signature was almost nonexistent. It slowly faded and faded into nothing, to a point where now, it was barely a candle's flame. He knew a Hollow attacked Masaki and her son, and he also knew that somehow, Masaki wasn't in fatal condition like her son was. Something must have happened, something that made Masaki unable to attack the Hollow properly. What could it be… unless… no… not _him_…

"You feel it, don't you?"

Kisuke looked to the right, to meet the golden eyes of a black cat. He gave her a rare look, one that wasn't playful or mocking in the slightest. Rain poured with dark meaning beyond his deck.

"He's going to die," Yoruichi affirmed solemnly, shaking her head. "Only nine years, just a blink for us."

"Yes… there is nothing we can do, he's hanging on to the edge of death and…"

"Slipping," Yoruichi finished for him.

…

…

"I should have confronted the Hollow when I felt it," Urahara confessed, lowering his bucket hat to hide his face.

"You wouldn't have gotten there in time. Even if you did, what's done is done, Kisuke."

"… Yes. You're right Yoruichi."

They felt it at the same time, a small candle flickered out.

_What's done is done._

-SA-

Masaki Kurosaki was in darkness. It was a cold, inky darkness. The Quincy felt a slightly familiar sensation come over her, reminding her of the long ago day when Isshin saved her from the Hollow inside her.

Though it was dimmed, she could feel a throbbing in her head and pain in her arm. It hurt.

She wasn't completely sure what was happening. The last thing she remembered was… what did she last remember? She had been walking… to… a river?

_Blood, blood, orange hair, white masks, and blood._

She started. No… she was walking… walking a river… there was a small hand in hers… no…

_She screamed for him to stop as he rushed to the girl she knew was a lure. The Hollow grinned down at her son through it's mocking mask ,and with great satisfaction, Grand Fisher swiped at the little boy she loved more than the world. The Hollow's claws raked through the small child's stomach, causing him to shriek in terror as he was sent flying. Before Masaki could activate her Hirenkyaku, his small body hit the ground._

_ With unspeakable anger and misery, she flashed to her son's side on the sandy ground and created a reishi bow. Then it fizzled out. Grand Fisher smirked. Masaki stared in horror at where her bow once was. How…?_

_ "A Quincy… well that will surely be much sweeter than a dull, human soul," The Hollow laughed, stepping closer to the mother and son. Masaki had to protect him, no matter the cost. Whether it was her life or her soul, she would protect her son._

_ With great effort, she summoned her bow again… just as the hollow swiped at her. She tried to activate Blut Vene, but her power wasn't responding. This granted her a painful blow to her left arm. No doubt broken within moments._

_ Using only her right hand, she shot arrow after arrow, being cautious of his quick, sonido fast, swipes. Arrow after arrow, arm, leg, head, shoulder, eye, mask… her shots hit true, and the Grand Fisher roared in pain._

_ "Just stop this silly game of cat and mouse… I promise I'll eat the boy first and save _you _for dessert, woman."_

_ Masaki was now being drenched by the rain that came when the sky opened. Rain, rain, go away…_

_ She made sure to steer the Grand Fisher away from her son, and that she was always between the Hollow and him. She was extremely concerned, though she made sure not to let the Hollow know, lest he decide to make him the main target. _

_ Finally, with one last difficult gathering of reishi, the Hollow disappeared, screaming curses._

_ Without a moment's hesitation she ran towards her son, the edges of her eyes burning and blurring. Before she reached him, she saw a sight she would never, in her whole life and afterlife, forget. Even in reincarnation, the sight would haunt her through dreams that punched a hole through realism. The sight of her beloved son, lying by the riverbed, his lifeblood being carried to canal by the rain._

_ Slipping, slipping, slipping…_

Masaki knew something was horribly wrong… something she knew would shatter her soul into pieces. Though not awake she could feel it. A reiatsu flickering away.

_Slipping…_

-SA-

Isshin and Ryuken knew it was going to happen. They weren't prepared, but they both knew it would happen as certainly as they knew the sun would rise tomorrow. Still, shock burst into both of them at what happened.

The hand in Isshin's hand clenched his firmly, and each, if you asked, would swear on their life that they heard a whisper from the boy's mouth then… the electrocardiogram flat-lined, and the hand in Isshin's fell wilted.

_Slipping, slipping, slipping…_

Ichigo Kurosaki slipped away.

_To be continued…_


End file.
